you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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