you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
