My liver just broke up with me...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
