Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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