Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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