Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
