YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
