I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
