Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
