Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
