I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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