Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
how does that bad decision feel?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
