Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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