The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
