I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
