okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
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Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
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He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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