I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize