Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
