i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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