I wish life had little blips of pornography
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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