Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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