i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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