So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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