have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
