fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
