Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
