I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
