I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
