I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
