where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
