the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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