it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
