I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
