I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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