a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
