Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Dear god my vagina.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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