I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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