It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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