Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
