remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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