you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
