it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
