i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The uberlube is also flammable
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
