I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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