I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You can't special order awesome
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
