Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
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she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
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He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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