brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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