so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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