I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
