Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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