Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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