Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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