Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
