dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
