i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
