Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
