One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
