What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
