he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
