I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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