On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
