I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
