No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
