OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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