You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I still have a little drunk in my system
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
