there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
