Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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