I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
