suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
