I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Houston, we have a squirter
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.