do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
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I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
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I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?