i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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