She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo