Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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