The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
