sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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