Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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