Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This is the high leading the old right now
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
