your thong is hanging out like whoa
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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