and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
