New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
