Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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