do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
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She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
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I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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