you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
