I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
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I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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