There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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