So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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